Kristine Gasbarre, YourTango blogger once said, “you should know that right this second I’m heading to Facebook to change our relationship status” to her ex-boyfriend. Check out her blog entry on dealing with breakups over Facebook.
When you think of the word Facebook, aside from the movie The Social Network, what else comes to mind? Facebook has been getting a lot of negativity lately as social tool that breaks up relationships. Facebook in three simple words: it ruins relationships. It’s quite hilarious really because rather than blaming ourselves for the breakup, we decide to blame it on technology. A website composed of Custom Style Sheets and HyperText Markup Language is the source of all our problems. So basically without Facebook, our relationships would continue on without any external issues. Well now, that’s great, and to think before Facebook, relationships were over due to our own inability to maintain that relationship, and now, it’s all because of Facebook.
So is Facebook really the root of all relationship problems?
According to The Globe and Mail’s video, Like it or not, Facebook ruins marriages, it does. In summary, Dianne Gilmour, a registered clinical counsellor, concludes that it’s the main reason behind a breakup. This is through the reconnection of past friendships and relationships, leading to deception. Now that’s just absurd. What has our society become? Why must we blame it on an online social tool. A relationship doesn’t just end or start on Facebook without personal intentions in the first place. If there was already a problem in the relationship in the first place, the relationship can’t be fixed by avoiding Facebook.
You may think that I am one of those I-love-Facebook-so-I-am-quite-biased type of blogger, but believe it or not, I do not have Facebook at all. You may call me old fashioned, but I like communicating with people in real life rather than over a “wall”.
To me, communication is key, anything that is over the internet does not seem legitimate. I like hearing laughter rather than seeing “LOL”. Also, I don’t believe you can really know a person if you don’t communicate with them as often in real world as you do in the virtual world. Personality can be faked online, but you can catch a fake personality in reality.
In my Communication Studies course, there was a lecture on Nonverbal Communication. Facebook is a form of nonverbal communication. Although it is often regarded that nonverbal communication is unintentional, it can also be intentional. Facebook is a tool for us to hide our identity, and allows us to construct it the way we want to be interpreted. The vocal and nonvocal communication attributes from nonverbal communication can be deliberately altered the way we want, similar to Facebook as I mentioned a sentence before.
We are in charge of Facebook, we construct Facebook. The root of all relationship problems lies within us. We choose whether or not to look up an old friend/lover. We choose whether or not to accept a friend request. We choose whether or not to write on a wall. We choose whether or not to play the role of ultimately being the one ending the relationship. Facebook doesn’t hold a knife against your neck and say “flirt with him/her”. Well at least it hasn’t been recorded in the news yet that I’m aware of.
So let’s man up and blame ourselves for the way our relationships ended, Facebook is not the cause of it. And, just for the hell of it, if you all really believe that Facebook is the cause of it, you should be aware of the breakup times on Facebook.
Remember, Facebook doesn’t change your relationship status, you do.